To my shining light.
Going through mental illness is tough, for sure there are times we are ok and can manage life and we can work, be a good partner and a good dad. For the most part though mania, depression, hyper-sexuality, agitation and anxiety (just to name a few) kick our ass. They make us irritable, they make us sad and they make us damn near impossible to live with….
But they do.
Our family, our friends, our partners…. They are our unsung heroes, our light at the end of that tunnel that sometimes can seem to go on forever.
This is my thank you, not just to my shining light, but to all of you who are the shining light for those of us who message you panicked in the middle of the day over the smallest things. For putting up with us when we fly off the handle at something as stupid as the dog looking at me funny and you still hug me and say its ok when I break down and then apologise later because I have no idea why I gave a shit about the dog looking at me funny because as if a dog can even look at you funny… yes we do this kind of shit.
My thank you for our shining lights that when we are sick pick up the slack by still going to work and then coming home and cooking and cleaning, because the world is unbearable for us and to be honest we don’t even see the things that need to be done cos we are to engrossed in fighting inside our own minds.
My thank you for stepping up and being both parents and raising our child because ive run off from my home, my responsibilities, my marriage and being a father, everything that I hold dear because I am in a manic episode and done the Harold Holt. You are my shining light.
Thank you that even in the times I was the sickest, so bad that it made you, yourself unwell and you couldn’t stand the sight of me, you would spend the night on the phone, keeping me alive when no one else would.
My thank you for being my solid rock and holding me tight when I want to die and that is all I can think about, thank you for staying with me till the evil inside that wants to kill me subsides to its normal dullness instead of its suicidal rage. You have saved my life on more occasions than I can even count. Thank you for being my shining light.
This is my thank you to you for everything you do, for sharing this mental illness with me when you could have walked away at any moment. Thank you for doing it with a smile on your face and never judging me. You are my shining light.
To all the shining lights in the world, shining bright for those of us who cannot shine for ourselves. I thank you. You are the most amazing people in the world and we love you.
Ben Russoniello | ©benrussoniello2020 | ©thegreyspaceorganisation2020