Just shut up
Seriously people you have no fucking idea so just shut the fuck up. Id hoped my first blog/article would be uplifting and possibly nurturing to both sufferers of mental illness and also our family, friends and carers…….
Instead I’m gonna say a few things we all want to say to our close family and friends but usually cant for what ever reasons we have…
In the last few weeks or so I’ve been reminded by a new friend just how damaging our well meaning family and friends can be. Not so fun and uplifting. soo here goes.
I met sally a few weeks ago through a friend, I was doing some password and account recovery ( I am a geek in my day job). Sally has just through a pretty epic domestic violence situation so you could imagine was a bit of a mess, no problem I’ve been around plenty of people going through hell and helped them through their shit.
Anyway – when being introduced to sally by her family member Kate, who don’t get me wrong is an absolutely beautiful person who would have no ill intent towards anyone, I was told something along the lines of “don’t mind her, she is Bi-Polar….” I remember thinking “who give a shit? so do I.” but brushed it of and went about doing the job for sally. nice girl, definitely Bi-Polar though haha..
As Bi-polar people do when we find out someone else we have met is bi-polar we start to compare stories of how our illness effects us in our daily lives. Now I’ve been diagnosed a decade this year, so I’ve had a good long time to learn to stand up for myself when people stick their noses into my diagnoses….but for sally, 21, barely diagnosed and still finding her way, still coming to terms that she now has this thing, this beast with a label. Having a constant intrusion of although well meaning family and friends tell her that they think she Jus has anxiety or just depression, oooh my personal fucking favourite! “you have ADD” can be detrimental and often be a trigger to some epic mood shifts. And really people the anxiety, the depression the ADD like behaviour haha all these things are either part of the illness or looks damn sure like a hyper manic person haha ADD.
shit….. oh right… My point is we struggle enough, we doubt ourselves more then any other person with a healthy mind and this CONSTANT barrage of BULLSHIT , DR GOOGLE Uneducated no fucking idea about mental illness home diagnoses cos you think you know something about something is just counter productive. SO JUST SHUT UP!
Having Bi-Polar, OCD, schizophrenia, depression or any other mental illness isn’t just a GP saying “hey you have this, have these pills now off you pop to live your life.” NO we have doctors, case managers, psychologist, psych nurses and psychiatrists….a whole team of Professionals who help to manage our diagnosed illness, which by the way cant be done by anyone but a psychiatrist. so please just shut , because although all these professionals have told us what we have, we still trust our friends and family more. we will question everything told to us if our loved ones tell us they think we aren’t what we have been told we are.
So what can you do that’s productive?
Just be there, listen when we talk and try you best not to judge some of the outrages shit we will do lol. But what need is simple, be with us be our family, be our friends. Treat us like you would any other friend or family member. We have the clinical support networks, what we need is to be treated as normal as possible by our family and friends.
Ahh normal if only…….haha
But seriously just shut up and leave the diagnosing for professionals and I don’t mean bloody GPs either but that’s another rant for another day .
Ben Russoniello | ©benrussoniello 2019